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Thoughts: The Slow Decay

by Horror Chamber

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1.
“It is important to note that, before the first episode of psychosis, there were things that were happening. And if one could pay some attention to those things early, perhaps it can improve the quality of life of the individuals with mental disorders. So, what are those things that are present before the first episode actually quick in? Social withdrawal is fairly common; a preference for isolation; negativism manifested or imagined in a lack of meaning or a purpose in life. These are common manifestations of what a stage we call “prodrome”. And it’s important to say: mental disorders can happen to anybody, anywhere, anytime!”
2.
Prodrome 05:10
Heading straight outside, my body washed in sweat Feels like crushing my head Ears are ringing, eyesight clouded, throat dry Guided by my spinning mind Trembling legs. Wretched thoughts. Walk around in circles, rumination Clinging into my desperation A life deprived of goals with no achievements to be proud In fear I locked my room and lay down Try to sleep. Feeling cold. Everyday I struggle to stay sane Inside my brain, my thoughts in disarray In my dreams there’s something staring me It reads my mind: It tells me to give up “You see, we must pay attention to mental disorders. When a life is at stake we can’t afford to neglect anything. Everything is important to save a life” Hopelessness has always been my friend This dying world I simply don’t care Lack of faith in all humanity The burden of my sanity Core beliefs feeding disease Now I see what brought me here
3.
Sudden pain throughout my chest Limbs are numb and vision blur Racing heart, sweating hands Lips are dry, I feel like falling Walls around me crumbling Arteries constriction Blood pressure rising Floor beneath me seems to open Experiencing fear of death Immobilized, cold sweat in my spine Shorted air in my lungs, fast breathing All seems unreal, I look but can’t see Depersonalized, I watch myself die Feeling like I lost control Thoughts are overwhelming me Hearing what I want to hear My thoughts from outside Brain collapse, pressure burning Overwhelm, struggle for air Body failure, hallucinating Heart rate rise, struggle for air Beginning a full-body failure Now your thoughts have brought you here You will witness decay of your own flesh
4.
Hearing a voice outside Externalized thoughts Tried to preserve my mind Away from its orders, that tell me to Go - take that knife, carve into your chest Remove your inner void, your lack of feelings Now - show me your despair, bleed out to death Prove me you’re alive, by dying for me My face is expressionless Affect is flat But inside a turbulence Of thoughts and a voice, that tells me to No display of affect or emotion Alienated from the world Striving to regain control I think that I’m insane When I hear your first say You’re a part of me, I will do anything To cut you out Unresponsive, yet agonizing And desperation make you raise a blade and cut yourself And a voice, a commanding voice Draws a line between my will and my demise A blade in my flesh to remember Just a line and the pain to survive If you cut too deep you’ll remember Your memories slowly fade away Now you’re not your own, obey all my commands Unable to express your feelings Take it up that knife, all to make me feel The pain will make me wake this nightmare
5.
Enter; hope you’re feeling better A dose of Haldol, for you to stabilize Your vitals; pressure normalized Just like the other times, you won’t feel a thing Lay down here while placing electrodes Injecting agents; sedation is done Don’t you worry, we’ll be there all the time Restrained in your bed, nowhere to hide Voltage checked; we’re good to go But on the screen a lot of spikes Review the file, what’s going on? Should we proceed? Commencing seizures His body twitches, drooling yet unresponsive Just like the other times, it’s still not working Useless shock, unable to reset your brain Your own thoughts, reason for your own decay I’m stronger than you ever will No treatment for your own demise Wake up - your treatment is complete No remission of the main pathology Rigid muscles, patient refractory Mental confusion, disorganized speech Cling in to hope and self-preservation Let’s administer a new medication A low dose start of Clozapine Should stabilize your thoughts and your pain One month, no progress Helpless, a victim Why should I even strive? Just to feel sedated all the time? And after a day The voices are even stronger What should I do to resist my doom?
6.
Engulfed by currents of thoughts. Condemned to leaving behind. Succumbed by the grief I still feel the guilt. Consuming all my will. Stench of my inner decay. My heart with tachycardia – But I’m too weak to fight. I (when your beliefs fade out) have no faith. And I (your body withers; give up!) look for hope where only pain remains. Imprisoned in the past – Accepting my demise. I’ve got no place to hide. Dying from inside. A shadow of my former self. My thoughts are getting stronger – That I will not survive A body lying consumed. Starving still in stupor. Anhedonic symptoms. Will death unleash my freedom? I am living in disease I’ve lost the will to stay alive. And lost the joy to stand and fight!
7.
They call me by a lot of names And they make the same mistakes Your doctors promised you salvation I’m pulling you for your damnation I am what you wished for And say what you’re scared to Admit: Why do you wanna live? What’s holding you back? I’ll set you free! Moving closer now I must obey all your commands But I don’t want to die What lay inside my mind? I offer you a way to leave To put an end your misery Resist will go against my nature Do as I say; you cannot fight! I’ve been alone I fight myself Within the depths of my mind So now see there’s no escape Your life must go without a trace Enjoy your final moments Reminiscence is only torture I see you still want to fight more Let’s watch how long you prevail
8.
Withdraw meds I’m transformed in this pathetic waste Lay stand still, fully aware of all my pain A filthy stench corrodes my room A mixture of decay and strain Humiliating stage My flesh is covered in wounds My limbs is swollen with blood I’m losing strength and my pride In my bed now for five weeks Pissing blood, internal bleed I hear you laughing while I rot A process of decay Slowly heading to my brain A focus of resistance In the edge of my existence Muscles atrophied Organs slowly failing Start a catatonic state I’m still too weak to fight My thoughts have brought me here I am beginning to die By starvation Fading Beginning to die My cells are rotting My thoughts have winning Why must I live?
9.
Catabolysis 05:02
Twelve weeks now I lost the last thread of hope My body smells like a carcass Alone here with my thoughts Autophagy A measure to preserve my brain In a strive, opened eyes Glow a light, in my face No remorse; that’s all right Accept to die; time has come I give up; I had enough The voice I heard Another ghost from my past A manifest from my own will From a life full of woe Tears dry. Despair. Collapse Breathe, harder and harder to see Crumbling in agony Death is here Choke, feeling the failing of lungs Heart infested by clots Atrophy Necrotized brain Thoughts in disarray I expire in pain This is my last breath Forgotten. Abandoned. Eaten by vermins A corpse was found in advanced stage of rot Cause of death: undetermined Multiple organs failure Victim unknown no records of his past at all Died alone in his home
10.
Isolated floor, breaking down the door In response to the calls Flies everywhere, a stench of death A corpse was found Vomit. Putrid. Rotten. No ID or cause of death In the scene it’s hard to breathe Collect a sample from the teeth Take a shot and let’s move out The lab is running analysis, the press is throwing theories What makes a man falls to decadence? Was it a murder or suicide? There is no witness to testify No past records of his life Cause of death inside his brain His own thoughts, the slow decay In this path there’s no escape Mental illness starts inside Check your thoughts, the slow decay Live your life or pay the price No one has to live on its own Just to die forgotten and alone Question your beliefs. Don’t be your own slave Locked inside yourself. Trapped into your cell Blinded to the world, apart from your salvation “We responded to an anonymous call. A closed apartment, a very strong stench that filled the entire floor. Neighbors said they thought the apartment was empty, because they didn’t actually know the tenant. As we knock down the door, we all just started coughing such was the strong putrid air inside. Flies were everywhere and laying in the bed there it was. A corpse in an advance stage of decay. I personally never had seen a human body so vastly decompose at a police scene. The coroner arrived shortly to inquire and collect samples from the body and we started conducting inquiries with possible witnesses. We still don’t know the cause of death… Investigating further we talked with a clinical psychologist and a psychiatrist who said, and I quote: ‘this could possibly be a case of severe catatonia, perhaps triggered by a very strong psychotic syndrome which developed into starvation. There is no evidence or motive for murder and no signs of suicide; the corpse is just lying in the bed! We have to investigate the history background, but it could be a psychotic disorder, the thoughts could be, ultimately, the cause of death’. Imagine that his own thoughts…. reason for his own slow decay”.

about

A Death Metal concept album about mental disorder

credits

released September 9, 2019

Produced by Horror Chamber and Sebastian Carsin
Recorded, Mixed and Master @ Hurricane Studio - Porto Alegre - Brazil in SEP-OCT - 2018
Artwork and booklet by Marcos Miller @ Nausea Image

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Horror Chamber Canoas, Brazil

Death Metal band, from Brazil

Horror Chamber is:

Paulo Hendler - Vocals & Guitars
Felipe Pujol - Guitars
Alan Holz - Bass
Rafael Kniest- Drums

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